The Importance of Aftercare

 After the brutality of his attention, it is his responsibility to put the broken bits back together

Too often these days the importance of aftercare is overlooked people get wrapped up in the “Here and Now, the fun of play” after all play has finished, the adrenaline and endorphins start to subside. The reality of what has happened comes crashing down.

The memories of the scene, pain, pleasure, helplessness, submission, domination, surrender, the sounds, the sensations, the emotional struggle pushing yourself. That euphoric sensation of subspace. The physical reminder, the marks, the bruises, welts. Pain still searing through the body. A reminder of what happened.

Now the real battle begins, it doesn’t matter if you are new and a novice or have decades of experience behind you, it affects everyone differently. Both subs, Doms, tops, and bottoms.

Sub or lesser known Dom drop. The emotional, mental and physical battle that occurs after play.

The feel-good chemicals our body releases during play are subsiding, and just like a drug user coming of a high, it can cause havoc.

Feeling of regret, depression, self-doubt, low esteem, and guilt are just some of what some people experience.

It may happen a matter of hours after a scene or it may take several days but it still has to be managed the same. It can last a couple of hours or it may last several days, it all depends on the person.

So what we do to prevent this or minimize this? We perform Aftercare.

Aftercare as the name suggests involves caring for your play partner on both a physical and mental/emotional level. This is not restricted to the top caring for the bottom but also may include the bottom caring for the bottom.

How do we perform aftercare?

Sit down/lie down with them. Many people may like to be hugged and cuddled at this time to feel “safe and secure” others may not want this level of affection so always talk about this BEFORE play starts in pre-play negotiations.

Give them a drink to rehydrate them. Play can be very taxing and we all know many of us sweat. Dehydration can cause many physical and temporary emotional and mental issues so get them hydrated.

TALK, talk about how the scene went, what did they like, and what they didn’t like. Ask for input on what could make it better (Doms take a humility pill here and LEARN) and always strive to be better.

If there are any wounds, bruises, or marks tend to them and use some ice packs or a warm flannel. Clean and dress any wounds as per Australian first aid recommendations.

If they are stiff and sore give them a massage in that area.

After the intense play, some bottoms may experience symptoms of Shock, and feel cold so wrap them in a blanket and manage any other symptoms of shock. (For tops who engage in a heavy impact, I really recommend having a current first aid certificate so you know what to do in the event of an accident or emergency)

Give them something to eat if they are hungry. As we all know hunger affects our emotional state and aftercare is about managing our emotional state.

There is no time limit on aftercare it takes as long as it takes to ensure the well-being of your partner.

I routinely check in with a play partner, 12, 24, 48, and several days after the play.

I ask how they are feeling, how they are processing what happened, and how are they physically. I will offer suggestions as to how to care and tend to marks and talk about how they are feeling about everything. Sometimes catching up just to talk and give a hug and affection helps to give the sub a feeling of security. I don’t recommend sex during sub drop as this may prolong and intensify the feeling. Though in some long-term dynamics sex and sexual intimacy may work.

Aftercare in my belief is where true bonds and depth of connections are formed it shows you care for the well-being of your partner and you are not just there for the immediate gratification of play.

On a footnote. When I set up my dungeon, I engaged a lawyer to ensure everything I was doing was legal,

If you engage in play in a BDSM sense whoever is the top dominant is legally responsible not only for any physical damage you may do to your partner, but also any mental or emotional damage you may cause. This is not restricted to immediately after the play but also months and years later.

This is another reason why aftercare is SO Important.

Never discredit needing aftercare as a sign of weakness as it definitely is not. Even in degrading master/slave dynamics, it may be needed. Just be mindful of a sub's needs for aftercare as it only makes them a better and more connected sub which ultimately leads to more intense play.